Rose Madder
10.11.2006., petak
stream of...something
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mučnina kao i uvijek usporava svijet kapci su smrznuti svi rubovi meki smireno lebdjeti... baš i ne ispunjava pretjerano tišina ima miris, zrak boju... ali gdje su nijanse? rastopljeni satovi? da bar nitko mi više ne priča bajke nema vukova i ljubomornih kraljica nisi više dijete...vrijeme je da se počneš bojati života traži se prikladan instrument harfa? violina? klavir previše boli pisati na papiru? ruka je preslaba ako bi se i sjetila kako se to uopće radi i teatralno balansiranje na rubu je besmisleno čak i da skočim, padala bih polako... |
06.07.2006., četvrtak
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smirenost i razumnost krhki poput paučine pucaju pod svakim naletom budeći glasove u glavi... njihov šapat se pretvara u vrištanje dovoljno glasno da lomi staklo da lomi um da lomi svijest srce histerično udara plamen bijesa se kovitla ali lice je kameno tijelo nepomično... samo se prsti grče nokti probijaju kožu krv lagano teče kao jedini pokret vidljiv oku stajati na samom rubu i i lagano se njihati... |
20.06.2006., utorak
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omara pritišće... svaka slika lagano treperi... dopire samo plavi dim... crne misli roje se poput vrana... kako disati kada nemaš zraka? želje u suprotnosti s mogućnostima... volja u vječnoj borbi s umorom... kada razum gubi svaki utjecaj... kada se svaki princip pretvori u pepeo... kako sanjati kada nemaš sna? nevidljive oči još su ovdje... čiji se pogled vječno osjeća... dok njegove tihe riječi odzvanjaju... moj vrisak je vječno prigušen. |
07.06.2006., srijeda
lutati koz tamu srca umoran od borbe nemoćno gledajući kako se svaka obrana ruši svaki otkucaj srca zvuči šuplje, a opet glasno ... nestvarno poput vriska nijemih snova vječno budnih suza davno preminulih kako živjeti proklet a i dalje imati dušu bolne misli potisnuti osjećaji neizrečene riječi bježati i dalje? ... ili se pustiti? BD: ''The misty ghosts of childhood fears The pressure is building, and I can't stay away ... My emotions frozen in an icy lake I couldnt feel them until the ice began to break'' što ako se zidovi zaista sruše? što ako te netko uistinu vidi? HE: ''I have no mouth and I must scream...'' |
21.05.2006., nedjelja
In Memoriam
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Father & Daughter Paul Simon If you leap awake In the mirror of a bad dream And for a fraction of a second You can't remember where you are Just open your window And follow your memory upstream To the meadow in the mountain Where we counted every falling star I believe a light that shines on you Will shine on you forever And though I cant guarantee There's nothing scary hiding under your bed I'm gonna stand guard like a postcard At the Golden Retriever And never leave till I leave you With a sweet dream in your bed Trust your intuition It's just like goin fishin' You cast your line and hope you get a bite You don't need to waste your time Worryin' about the market place Trying to help the human race Strugglin to survive its harshest hour I'm gonna watch you shine Gonna watch you grow Gonna paint a sign So you'll always know As long as one and one is two There could never be a father who loved His daughter more than I love you |
11.05.2006., četvrtak
poput bijesa oluje tutnja grmljavinje udarac koji ne očekuješ samo jedan bljesak može slomiti svaku dušu raspoloviti svaki kamen promijeniti ga zauvijek za sobom ostaviti osvježenje zajedno s uništenjem te osjećaj užitka i slomljenosti istovremeno nemir čak i kada sve utone u smiraj just following the storm... trying to feel the rain... dreaming of thunder... |
29.03.2006., srijeda
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chasing dreams searching for salvation how can you find something when you eyes are closed? aching every day outside and in can someone else really take away your pain? living with half a heart only building walls is this the reality you yearn for? a dream within your grasp real life just a heartbeat away do you have the courage? just open your eyes... slowly... |
17.02.2006., petak
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tračak nade početak divne iluzije luksuz stvaranja vlastitih slika vlastite stvarnosti sunce koje grije taman koliko je potrebno glazba koju samo ti čuješ najlaganiji korak i savršeno pogođene riječi kako vrijeme prolazi sunce ti počinje pržiti kožu glazba postaje preglasna korak težak a riječi režu poput komada slomljenog stakla tu je samo vjetar pokoja misao i pokoji otkucaj srca dok jednog dana sve ne utihne i sve što preostane je zaglušujuća tišina |
28.01.2006., subota
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where am I where is the person I used to be when have I lost my soul my spirit my light a part of me wants to hold on but my bloody fingers keep slipping a part of me wants to let go and fall but I do not want to fall alone struggling waiting come take my hand disappear with me |
14.12.2005., srijeda
still
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still dreaming of you unable to distinguish sweet dreams among the nightmares still feeling the touch of your hand fingers caressing my white skin still hearing you play breaking my heart with each note still seeing your smile on the faces of others still talking to you begging you to hear me still looking at the moon and seeing your face it's still you... keeping me alive on so little |
11.12.2005., nedjelja
oni
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siva lica u gužvi prazne oči koje ne odražavaju dušu živi mrtvaci koji jure ulicama nikada ne zastaju ne osvrću se oko sebe nema smisla pokušati im uhvatiti pogled pokušati ostvariti onaj jedan trenutak prepoznavanja i razumijevanja ako gledaju kroz zidove, kako ne bi i kroz tebe? što im teče žilama? to ne može biti krv, vruća i crvena mora biti nešto ustajalo i sivo nešto što se samo ponekad malo pomakne... tek toliko da te zavara da su poput tebe možeš se pokušati boriti naravno da možeš, to je stvar slobodne volje ali prije ili kasnije počinješ primjećivati privlačnost njihova sivila divan život na samom rubu postojanja prekrasno stanje svijesti koje ne poznaje istinu ne poznaje pravu ljepotu, ne poznaje intenzivne osjećaje, ne poznaje ništa od onoga što nas čini ljudskim bićima živiš u laži, ali ta je laž ono što si oduvijek želio, koga briga da li je stvarna ili ne? tko u stvari želi istinu kada je ona tako okrutna? prije nego što se okreneš jedan si od njih, sivog lica i praznih očiju, očiju koje ništa ne odražavanju jer iza njih ništa više ne postoji, samo praznina, život po tuđim pravilima, bez individualnosti, bez osobnosti, bez srca sve nas je manje... |
01.12.2005., četvrtak
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as the snow covers the castle's walls I make a decision to escape to run I knock over all the candles as I head down the stairs, even before I reach the bottom the flames start roaring my footsteps echoing through the hallways so many portals before my eyes but which one leads to salvation? I suddenly see his face on one of them for just a second a single moment a wish or an omen? it is still enogh to push me through it I feel the fresh air on my face the snow flakes in my hair ... and for a moment I stop just to breathe but they are closing in will one of their swords penetrate my heart? will I escape this prison? will I surrender to their will? or just disappear before their eyes as if I was never even there just slowly... melt into the snow |
17.11.2005., četvrtak
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colors are burning my eyes but I cannot look away my only resting place is soiled disturbed feeling dead to the world some wounds never heal some words are never spoken all the beauty hurts because he isn't here to see it a soul broken in half wanting to release the pain but I have no tears do the dead cry? |
23.09.2005., petak
the real world
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the real world doesn't really exist nothing is real here or so I wish dreams seem so much more tangible so wonderful so managable in them I'm wonderful decisive loveable ...normal the moment betwen the two is such a struggle trying to remain beautiful and sain but still pushed into the world of my madness waking up... all of the pictures are still the same all of my demons sit and wait for me to embrace them to ravish them and I do not able to resist to say no to help myself I do it again and again hurting my body and soul destroying whatever remained of my true self killing myself one day at a time don't wake me up anymore please don't |
18.09.2005., nedjelja
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the dark and grey sky reflecting my soul holding my breath... winds blowing aimlessly reflecting my anger holding my breath... voices screaming in vain reflecting my madness holding my breath... forbidden things offering relief reflecting my struggle holding my breath... my vampire within my reach reflecting my weakness release... |
15.09.2005., četvrtak
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searching my soul like a blind man feeling his way through a room bumping into things which scare me because I don't know what they are feeling only their shapes their sharp edges the more I try the harder I hit the wall the wall that cannot be torn down but still I try always someone offering help but I refuse not wanting anyone to hold my hand to guide me always by myself even in a crowd of people even with my closest friends just me alone you say you know me or how much alike we are I just smile sometimes agree and dismiss you at the same instant how can we be the same or even similar me a nonentity you a human being my numerous personalities experiences achievements and it all still amounts to nothingness |
13.09.2005., utorak
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plesase don't do that don't put yourself down so shouldn't this be beneath you? aren't you a person much more discerning? you have always looked deeper inside and now you stay on the surface you have fallen for the cheapest trick of them all and still you remain blind you overstate and exaggerate putting on an unfamiliar face your words don't reveal you anymore they are simply not your own this cannot last or the most terrible thing will happen.... I'll have to admit I've misjudged you |
11.09.2005., nedjelja
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mesmerize one turn of the wheel mesmerize one drop of blood mesmerize one single tear mesmerize a twisted path mesmerize a forgotten journey mesmerize a broken mind ... finding some form of freedom when you're only a humble slave trying to break free from yourself to run to feel the wind ... stop making myself ache? I wont' even bother I love to see my soul vanish...ever so slowly |
10.09.2005., subota
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yet another night sleep still evades me gazin at the forming shadows grabbing them only to see them slip through my fingers just like you your dreams pull me under filled with soothing voices of nature your sweet dreams are my nightmares I try not to see them not to feel them but I do my voice inside your head your voice in mine my biggest burden love cannot overcome all not the paralyzing fear that still defines us Why are we loved the most when we leave? |
09.09.2005., petak
please god
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if you're there please hear me bring him back to me raise him from the dead I know you can I cannot exist like this so many faces so many voices all of them vague and so trivial I long for the person I once was I miss myself what I am now... this is not a person not a human being just some broken object that can never be put back together there are just some small pieces of me left... and they are dying slowly with each passing day with each passing heartbreak shattering no one else can be my light so please god... do the impossible make him live again |
